Below are a handful of reasons you should date a vegan, and none of them have to do with our affinity for all things kale.
1. Sure, there is a ton of vegan junk food, (like Oreos and Thin Mints), but a plant-based diet tends to be healthier overall, which means there’s a good chance your vegan takes good care of their body.
Translation: We look great naked.
2. Our eating habits will give your family something else to focus on at family dinners.
Translation: No one will ask why you’re not married yet.
3. We’re kind. Most compassionate vegans (the non-paint-flinging kind) are pretty damn kind. And kind people are nice to date, because kind people tend to dole out more oral sex. True story.
4. We can cook. There’s a reason vegans are constantly Instagraming our meals; we’re food obsessed, and this means we’re more likely to be good cooks.
Translation: You will never have to suffer through a boring vegan meal, because, look at these vegan crab cakes.
5. We love animals. Duh. This means you won’t have anyone whining about cleaning out the litter box, again.
6. We taste (and smell) better. Meat and dairy are acidic and hard for your body to digest, which affects the way you taste and smell. If you don’t believe what you eat can have that kind of impact, think about the last time you ate asparagus. Yep. While meat-eaters don’t want to hear this, if someone could set up some sort of blind-folded taste test, I guarantee the verdict would be that vegans taste better.
Translation: Oral sex is way more fun.
7. We have supercharged sex drives. A plant-based diet boosts hormones and is full of libido-boosting vitamins and nutrients.
Translation: Get ready to piss off the neighbors.
8. We will encourage you to eat healthier. You may actually like it.
9. We won’t judge your eating habits. Vegans get a ton of flack for what we are–or are not–eating, so unless your vegan is a judgmental ass-hat (and some are), they’re less likely to wrinkle their nose at what you pile on your plate.