Stuff I Get Off On: Foodswings

This weekend I headed down to Foodswings, Williamsburg’s own vegan comfort food joint. I had been trying to corral my boyfriend into going here with me since before he was my boyfriend, so it had been a long time coming. Although I was able to sample their “chicken” at the Seed Expo a few weeks back, I wanted the entire diner experience. What do I mean? I wanted a burger and a shake, dammit.

Foodswings is not health food, and it doesn’t try to pretend it’s health food. When you think “comfort food,” do you conjure up a raw crudite platter? No. You think creamy, fatty, tastes so good “junk” food. I met a very nice Brooklyn-based vegan couple a few weeks ago, when they came to stay at my mom’s farm. I asked them if they liked Foodswings, and the woman groaned inward and said she thought it was awful. Why? “It’s junk food!” she said. Mmmm. All the better to eat you with, my dear!

You see, I spend 90% of my meals crunching cruciferous veggies and hearty whole grains. I love simple, good for you food. It’s mainly what I eat at home. So I don’t mind eating an occasional artery clogger—even though Foodswings menu touts being cholesterol free! .

I also try to avoid “fake” meat because I hate the idea of my food being “fake,” and I don’t support eating meat, so I’m not trying to eat something masquerading as meat. But every now and then, usually when trying a new vegan restaurant, I get over myself and get down on some faux flesh. Okay okay, so Foodswings!

We ordered a few different burgers, some “chicken” wings, mac n cheese and a couple of shakes. Mmmmn, my food baby is still kickin’.

The Vegan Heart Attack

Mayo money shot!

All Foodswings burgers are seitan based, and this one was piled with soy bacon, soy cheese, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, red onions and vegan mayo. All of the flavors were on point, but unfortunately, the actual burger itself was pretty crumbly and falling all over the place. It felt like it needed some sort of coagulate to hold things together a bit better. But shoved into a bun and piled high with deliciousness, it was tasty.

The Cowboy

Panty Puddler

Burger face!

This burger had more soy bacon and a deep fried onion on the top! Mmmnnphhh. I’ve never had a fried anything on top of a burger, and I love the extra crunch. I renamed it the Panty Puddler. You’re welcome.

I. Love. Buffalo. Sauce. Period. The buffalo sauce all over my wings was moan inducing. Hot, but not so much heat that it overwhelmed the other spices. While the BBQ wings were also good–smokey and spicy-sweet–I basically refused to share the buffalo wings. I lent out one bite to my guy and horded the rest like a classy lady.

Mac Attack
For me, the key to a good mac n cheese is texture, and and Foodswings’ mac was amazingly rich and creamy. However, my non-vegan friend took a nibble and said while the texture was right on, flavor-wise it tasted like a roux. She liked it, but wasn’t getting the same “cheese” flavor I was.


Bahh, I had trouble choosing a shake because, in typical American fashion, there were just too many options! In the end, I chose “the Tank,” which was chocolate icecream, peanut butter and cookies. I hadn’t had a milkshake in at least five years, and this did not disappoint. It had that thick, full texture of a real diner milkshake, and I mean anyone who doesn’t love peanut butter and chocolate together should not be entrusted with children or small animals.

P is drinking an orange soda float.

Have you been to Foodswings? Do you share my opinion on comfort food? If you’re gonna eat healthy, please do! But if you’re gonna indulge, then call a spade a spade. Not all vegan food is “healthy;” Foodswings is most definitely an indulgence. A heavenly, heavenly indulgence. Go drool over their menu. Oh, and it’s important to note that their potato skins were called “4skins,” and for that playful raunchy humor they will forever be in my good graces. Sexyfood high fives all around.


About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
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2 Responses to Stuff I Get Off On: Foodswings

  1. Interesting. Pics look good!

  2. yes, it’s junk. but sometimes, that’s just what you want. foodswings drumsticks are FUCKING FANTASTIC! it’s been over a year since i’ve been there, and i still crave them.

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