I want you to do a little experiment. Close your eyes and imagine you’re in a very safe space, where no one will ever know what you’re thinking…and then think about what you want, sexually.
Now imagine asking your partner for those very same things. Did your face squinch up like you’re cleaning cat litter? Did you get all sorts of anxious and self conscious? No? Good for you, A+ in sexual entitlement.
But for most of us, our sexuality is wrapped up with a whole lot of anxiety. Am I too big? Am I too small? Do I come too quickly? Does it take me too long to come? Why can’t I come at all? Am I doing this right? When it comes to sex, feeling abnormal is normal.
For some, our sexual experiences are often wracked with so much anxiety that we can forget that the point is to make a connection, sure, but also to give and receive pleasure. And in order to get what you want, you have to be willing to ask for it. As long as it doesn’t involve anything illegal, you deserve what you want sexually. For once, you can be entitled without coming off like a pompous prick.
I talked to a friend recently about her boyfriend’s lack of bed skills—mainly, he doesn’t know how to get her off, and she is usually left unsatisfied. She rattled off dozens of things she wished her guy would try. But she hadn’t told him any of it.
I know it’s hard to open up and tell someone exactly what you want. It makes you feel exposed—what if they judge you? What if they reject you? It can also make you nervous of hurting the other person’s feelings. You don’t want them to take it as criticism. But sexual compatibility is crucial, and it would be a shame to think you aren’t sexually compatible with someone when in reality, neither of you are asking for what you want. Major fail.
Another girlfriend once griped to me about how her boyfriend always finishes before she does, so she never gets to come. I told her that if I’m in a sexy situation where my partner is finished, and I’m not, they will keep things going until I get there, too. “How do you get them to do that?” She asked. Uhm…I ask. I’ve never had anyone say no.
Think of it this way. If your girl or guy said “I want you to make me feel really, really good,” would you say no? No, you wouldn’t, because you’re not selfish. Right? RIGHT?! Men, if you’re not in the habit of getting your girl off before, while, or after you come, think of Lorena Bobbit. When asked why she cut off her husband’s dick, she told police “He always has an orgasm and doesn’t wait for me. It’s unfair.” I feel you, Lorena.
But seriously–You want to make your partner feel good, right? It probably turns you on to turn them on. Well I guarantee they feel the same way about you, so there is a good chance they will be willing to experiment to make you feel good. Pleasure! It’s addicting.
Happy Friday! Now watch this video of a guy drunkenly serenading his feline.