Ask Me Anything: “Help! I Have a Boner” Edition

I was trying to think of all sorts of clever ways to title this post, using words like hard and stiff. I decided, ahhhh screw it, and went with something more straight to the point. Here is a query I received recently from a reader:

Hey Tofu, 

I’m not too sure if you’ll be able to help me but I am desperate for some advice. I’ve recently been doing nude modeling for an art class and last night “I came standing to attention” mid way through. It was incredibly unprofessional and I’m sure no one signed up for that! I’m really worried it will happen again.  Is there any cream or any advice that could keep it down? Please help if you can, I’m not sure if you answer these types of questions. Thanks

 And my response?

Uh oh! Girls have it way better than guys sometimes; we can be sexually aroused in public and no one will have any idea.  As a result, I have a theory that women are far superior perverts, at least in the category of subtlety. My advice would be to give yourself a little self love–or enlist the help of a friend ;)–right before the class so you don’t have anything built up.  And then think of really non-sexy things during the class, like a time you were really embarrassed, sports, your family members, or a bulldog eating mayo.  Hope this helps!


I was thinking about this question later on and worried my answers wouldn’t be all that helpful because, well, I don’t own a penis! So I harassed asked a friend. This friend is not only an artist but was recently working on a project for which he had to be completely nude standing 10 feet away from a completely nude lady model. He had to do this with 10 to 15 different models, in a room by themselves, for a good hour each. (Poor thing…)  I asked him how he avoids getting hard when he is staring at boobs, even if they are lit artistically and all that juicy hipster goodness.

I was pleased to find that my friend had the same advice I did. Well, sort of. “Jerk off right before and don’t think about sex.” Nothing about bulldogs and mayo…

Anyone have any good advice on this topic?

Advertisements

About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
This entry was posted in Health, Sex and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ask Me Anything: “Help! I Have a Boner” Edition

  1. Dick Timber says:

    When I’m in a situation that calls for flacidity(is that even a word?), I think of anything I consider un-sexy; co-workers(I do construction, so picture the stereotypical hard hat group), naked family members, eating burnt meatloaf, Donald Trump, etc. Thanks for the ideas though. Anything that you can reccommend to help me “last longer”(kinda like the opposite of this problem?)

    • sexytofu says:

      To last longer? I’ve heard terrible advice like think un-sexy thoughts when trying to last longer, but the idea of having sex with someone who is currently thinking about something gross to last longer is horrible. Instead, work on pacing yourself! Stop and do something else (like pay attention to your partner, not like make a sandwich…). Actually this technique of taking yourself nearly to finish and then stopping for a few moments is called “edging” and makes everything more explosive in the end.

  2. John Wyman says:

    I suggest applying wasabi paste to your testicles. You will not be thinking of anything remotely erotic until the effect wears off several hours later.

    • sexytofu says:

      Haha NO way! I don’t even have testicles and I know this is not smart. Not only would he not be able to sit still for the class to have artists draw him but they probably would be trying to dip his junk in soy sauce. No seriously…Don’t DO this.

  3. Paul says:

    A friend went in for a hernia operation, they came to shave him, hot nurse, he got stiffy, she hit it with a pencil right on the head. Hope that helps, maybe just thinking bout getting hit will prevent it. 😉

  4. Pingback: Welcome to the Nude Revolution: A Model’s Words «

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s