A Really Effing Weird Sex Toy Gift List

I know this doesn’t leave you much time, but what can I say? I’m a last minute type of girl. Below I have compiled some of the most ridiculous sex toys ever invented. Buy them for someone to watch the awkward look on their face when they are trying to decide if they should laugh, punch you, or burst into tears.

1. Harry Potter Vibrating broom

I love me some HP, but not enough to buy a child a vibrating broomstick that they straddle. This is technically a children’s toy. If your children like masturbating.  Mattel recalled this, obviously. However, find it for your favorite Harry Potter fan on eBay!

2. Avatar Dildo
But, but…I thought they make love with their tails!??!

3. Zombie Dildo
Everytime the sky gets dark and stormy or the grocery store gets mobbed pre-hurricane I am running around in my combat boots thinking zombie apacolypse zombie apacolypse. In fact, it’s basically the only reason I took up running. So I can be prepared…to run away…since I have no other skills that would help me survive.

4.Santa’s Little Helper
Get the holiday spirit all up in you.

5.Hide-A-Vibe Teddy bear.
Because keeping it in your underwear drawer is so cliché.

6. Fundies
Undies built for two! So silly. And unhygienic.

7. Pussy foot.
What.The. F*ck?!?! I thought pussy footing was just an expression! And the picture makes me shiver without fail every time I look at it.

8. The Little Rooster.
Best. Alarm. Clock.Ever. Go to bed with it in your pants. Wake up with it still in your pants…but vibrating.

9. Wine Rack Bra
Okay this isn’t a sex toy but it really would have come in handy in college. Also in April when I run the Tough Mudder.

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About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
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5 Responses to A Really Effing Weird Sex Toy Gift List

  1. The broom made me let out a cry of terror but while clapping? Their slogan should have been “Does this make you feel like a wizard”

  2. mary says:

    o m g and more o m g

  3. Sheree Lowe says:

    Oh my god. That foot thing … shouldn’t you be arrested for buying (or making or selling) something like that???

    Quite like the idea of the alarm clock and the teddy bear though!

  4. crookedbread says:

    This was a hilarious post. Personally found Santa’s Little Helper the most terrifying. Dawn of the Dildo (aka Zombie Dildo) was also pretty funny. The foreskin! GAHHHH

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