I Will Never Sleep with Anyone Who Doesn’t Get Excited About Halloween

And reasons why you shouldn’t either…

I love Halloween, because it gives me an excuse to dress up. When you’re a kid, Halloween means awesome, cute or scary costumes to impress your friends with, and lots and lots of candy. As a mid-twenties faux-adult it usually means, for females, dressing super skanky to impress the opposite sex. But Halloween is fun for everyone, not just kids and slutted out ladies; I love a man who can get excited about Halloween, too. On Halloween guys usually go for clever or funny costumes.  And then there are those who dip out easy and go in a Football jersey as “so-and-so from bla-bla-team” and hope one of the skanked-out “three blind mice” takes pity on them, horizontally.  

I'm a Mouse...Duh

I did the whole skanky underwear-costume thing in college so now I usually go for fun, funny or sort of cute. Last year I was sick on Halloween (womp womp…) but the year before that I was Carmen Sandiego. This year I am going as a succubus, but not all whored out because 1. It’s cold and 2. I don’t have the rack for that, really. See for yourself:

So I will be wearing a lot more clothing than that. In fact my costume is nothing like that, bar the fact I have bat wings and horns.

But really , I also love Halloween because—similar to the scene in Amelie where she thinks about all the people in Paris having an orgasm right then—I think about all the people in costumes who will be ripping off each other’s Inspector Gadget hats and Devil tails and Jessica Rabbit wigs (my first crush!) and fake teeth and whatnot. The percentage of people role playing tonight is probably higher than any night of the year. And the props! Think about the props!

Anyways, as promised, here is a list of reasons why you shouldn’t date (and by date I mean sleep with) someone who doesn’t get excited about Halloween:

1. They have completely lost their inner child
2. They have completely lost their imagination
3. They are probably self-conscious about seeming “uncool,” because really they ARE excited about Halloween (candy, half-naked friends, the possibility for role play…c’mon!) and are lying. I’m onto you…
4. They are probably boring.  

What does that have to do with sex? Do you really want to sleep with someone who is unimaginative,has no creativity, is self-conscious and super boring? No thanks. I also won’t sleep with anyone who doesn’t own books, but that’s another rant on its own..

Happy Halloween!

Tell me what you are being! Tell me why you aren’t excited about Halloween but why you are still awesome. Tell me about your doucher ex who wasn’t excited about Halloween but WAS excited about World of Warcraft. Go!


About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
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