(or get turned into a lamp shade)
I promise you can click on any of these links and it won’t take you to any xxx sites. Although that would be a fun joke–perhaps I am lying to you! Can you really trust me when my most trusted resources are Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia?
Recently I was talking to a friend who was seriously bashing the guy she was seeing who had a fetish that was a bit, erm, out of the ordinary. I got a little prickly with my friend for hating on him. Don’t get me wrong; there are some really weird fetishes out there. Aside from your typical BDSM variety—choking, bondage, spanking—there is your creepy crawleys, your act-like- an-animal and other role playing, dude-looks-like a ladying. Then there is just the unexplainable—pedal pumping, looning, trampling. There are fetishes for those who watch too many zombie flicks (vorarephelia), and even a fetish for making someone else cry (dacryphilia). And then there is stitophelia—attraction to food. I think I may have once been attracted to a cupcake. I can’t be sure because I ate it before things got too heavy. Basically if you can think of it, there is porn for it. I dare you to prove me wrong.
The fetish my friend was bashing on wasn’t even that off color. They weren’t talking about turning people into furniture or lubing up each other’s feet. I told my friend she should be appreciative that her guy even feels close enough to her to show her what he likes, instead of spending hours on the internet, or finding someone freakier behind her back. Repressed fetishes—if they are extreme enough—can do some mental damage. They can mess with your self image (“I’m such a freak for liking this”), or worse. I would rather have a guy admit he imagines eating people than actually go out and hack up someone and simmer their organs in white wine. As long as he wasn’t really trying to masticate me, we could play kitchen. Whatever. A repressed fetish can be a dangerous thing, regardless of if the repression is turned in or out.
I’m not saying you should go along with someone else’s fetish just to avoid alienating them. Don’t do anything you are not comfortable with, but try and at least see where they are coming from, or at the very least refrain from wrinkling your nose, gasping in shock, or running out of the room screaming. How would you feel if you expressed something that turned you on, especially if you knew it was a bit bizarre, and you were met with disgust? I told my friend that if she really is turned off by her man’s fetish—she was pretty horrified—and they can’t find any common ground, then they should probably find other people to play with. Bedroom miscommunication is frustrating, to say the least.
With this in mind, I am going to be introducing Fetish Friday, where I will talk about a different fetish each week. I would like to find and interview people with different fetishes, while at the same time avoid getting turned into a lampshade. So if you have a fetish you want to talk about, anonymously of course, please get at me here.
Also, watch a live performance of my favorite Blind Melon song, which just so happens to be about turning people into furniture! Love those creeps.