Since good old Irene is well on her way to the East Coast by now, everyone is freakin’ out. Costco ran out of bottled water. They are shutting down the trains to NYC and the subways in NYC starting noon tomorrow. I refuse to go to the grocery store even though my cupboards are pretty bare because I know it will be pandemonium—quick! Everyone load up on toilet paper. I have enough rice, beans, booze and kitty litter to get me through it.
But really, it gets me thinking about my favorite genre of all movies—zombie thrillers. The Evil Dead, Resident Evil, 28 Days later, Shaun of the dead, Zombieland…on and on and on. (There is even zombie porn! Of course there is.) Right now I feel like everyone is preparing for a zombie apocalypse, which would be a way cooler way to die than in a hurricane. Plus I just got ordered these killer combat boots off eBay, so I’m ready. Just sayin’.
Unfortunately for me, as a vegan, I would die first. Why you might ask? I have more energy than most people I know. I rarely ever get sick. I run 3-6 miles 5 or 6 days a week (nothing to do with veganism, aside from that I have the energy to do it!). I could start munching leaves and grass if I ran out of tempeh. Sounds like I would totally survive right? Wrong. I would die first because I taste so damn good. Really, vegans taste better. And not just in a raunchy look-at-me-I’m-sexy type of way. Bugs love me. I was in a yoga class last week, a full class, and this mosquito just would NOT leave me alone. I was trying to get my ohm on and it gettin down on me like it just drank three vodka tonics on a third date.
And after class, when I whined to some fellow students about my 19 (!) new bug-bites, everyone else said they hadn’t been touched. When in Taiwan with my mom, we slept on the same tatami mat on the floor, and every morning I would wake up with fresh bug bites, and she never got any. I have some pretty sweet blood. Zombies would be hurtling through my windows at 90 miles an hour. I wouldn’t stand a chance—noooo way.
So, any cool hurricane/apocalypse plans? I’m gonna be sittin’ around my apartment with my new boots and a couple of cool makeshift weapons I crafted myself because I am terrified of guns.