“Orgasms: They’re Not Just for Men”

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There really is nothing better than a nice tear-the-sheets-and-shake-the-bed orgasm, both female and male. However, it is pretty well known that men have an easier time getting off than women, because, well women tend to be more self conscious than men (about their bodies, about their performance, about their mid O-expression..). Plus, it takes the average woman 45 minutes (Yes! 45 MINUTES) to become fully aroused, while it takes a man, oh, 45 seconds–no offense meant! With a mind racing with endless thoughts about which body part is jiggling and the four loads of laundry awaiting her, sometimes it’s hard for a girl to lay back and get her O on. I have had many a conversation with girlfriends about this, and often have a difficult time convincing them to shut their monkey mind off–for both their sake, and their partner’s. When you’re in the middle of an earth-moving orgasm, I am sure your man (or woman!) is just so pleased that they managed to get you there (nothing strokes an ego like watching someone else come and knowing it was–at least partially–your sexual prowess that got them there..) that nothing else matters.

I love a nice orgasm rant (obviously) and so was super-pleased to stumble across this great post from www.smartsexyvegan.com titled Damn, I love Being a Woman.  The lengthy post discusses many different aspects of being a strong smart sexy (vegan!) woman, but it features a particularly witty and informative pro-female orgasm rant. I am copying the rant here for all you lazies who don’t feel like checking it out yourself. So, thank you to the author, the sexy and smart Hannah Pralle! I wish you many orgasms in the future…

Orgasms: They’re not just for men.  Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Body, shares this information in his section on the 15 minute female orgasm:  “Sex researcher Shere Hite had long ago concluded that 70% of U.S. women couldn’t experience orgasm from intercourse, and Alfred Kinsey’s data suggested that up to 50% of U.S. women weren’t able to achieve orgasm at all.”  Pandemic!  Guess what?  We women don’t really talk about this much amongst ourselves, probably because most of us aren’t having orgasms, but we think that everyone else is.  One of Ferriss’s primary subject matter experts on the female orgasm, Nina Hartley (star of over 650 porn films and lauded by 3x AVN – that’s a porn Oscar – winner Lexington Steele as having been “the single greatest sexual experience of his life) has this to say about female orgasm:  “No man can give you an orgasm.  He can only help you do it yourself.”  This is very validating for me, because it coheres with what I figured out about myself, at least, fairly early on in the game.  Nina adds that, unless a woman is comfortable masturbating, “she’ll be more trouble, baggage-wise, than it’s worth, unless you get off on being a fixer.  She has to at least come up to the starting line and be comfortable conversing with her own orgasmic potential.”  This is fascinating to me because, in general, it seems that men’s orgasmic potential builds up with disuse, whereas women’s – or at least my – orgasmic potential dissipates with disuse.  (And I don’t mean intercourse-disuse, I mean actually-having-an-orgasm disuse.)  If I let enough time go by, eventually I can barely have one, and I don’t really care that much about having one – probably because it seems like a lot of work, at that point, being so far away from my own starting line.  

The biggest problem here is that both men and women enter into sexual liaisons with the misunderestimation (thanks, G. W. Bush) that the man must “give” the woman an orgasm – through intercourse.  This stresses us out, further distancing ourselves from our own orgasmic potential, and undoubtedly stresses men, too.  So, women tend to fake, or exaggerate, moments of sexual climax, or else tell themselves they’re happy not to experience orgasm, and that it’s not a disappointment.  I actually feel the sorriest, I think, for men in the situation, because they just want it to happen, you know?  They’re just like, I’ll do anything!  Tell me what to do!  It’s a goal, and they’re goal-oriented.  They’re not selfish, and it’s not their fault their bodies climax in a fairly straightforward manner. 


So, most women have, at some point, figured out how to make themselves orgasm, but it seems awkward to incorporate this into their engagements with men because the way we get off doesn’t generally “look” like sex, the way we’re all acculturated to think sex should look.  Plus – and Ferriss discusses this, which I found fascinating because I’ve given it lots of thought myself – women feel self-conscious about showing their O-face, on top of all the other stress.  Even if we do feel close to orgasm because of some accidental combination of things occurring, we grow up learning to monitor and control our own expressions much more so than men.  Men have no problem showing their O-face, bless them.  For women, that, plus embarrassment regarding whatever we might need to do to our own physiology to get there, can cause us to back off from the feeling of an approaching orgasm.  My perspective, though, has always been to take these apparent disadvantages and set-backs of being female, and turn them into strategic tours de force of feminine assertion.  My point being, real-world men actually don’t seem to give a shit how you come, as long as you come in their presence, with some level of their involvement (they’re excited to be involved), saying their name, and as genuinely, hard, and repetitively as you can.  Men love a woman that can come.  It diffuses all of this weird performance anxiety that we all feel.  It makes them feel like gods.  It makes us feel like goddesses.  It makes the neighbors feel like shit about their sex life because it’s obviously not as good as yours.  So the take-away, here, is that it’s your job to step up to the starting line – to figure out how to come, and come, frequently, with men.  They’re so sweet – they get completely goofy about it.  A woman’s O-face is the face of God, as far as a naked, horny man is concerned.  Plus, the more you come, the more conversant with your own orgasmic potential you become, and then it’s not out of the question to achieve orgasm through intercourse.  Practice makes perfect, and it gets easier and easier. 


About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
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One Response to “Orgasms: They’re Not Just for Men”

  1. Pingback: Why Being “Nice” in Bed Is Mean | Dating Advice Review

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