I am not sure where the phrase “fake it til’ you make it'” originated, but when it comes to orgasms, it should be completely disregarded. I am aware that many men and women (okay mostly women) fake their big O’s, for a variety of different reasons. Men do fake orgasms, but not as frequently as women. With men, it is more of an occasional thing, where as many women make a habit of it. I have highlighted the main reasons why both men and women fake orgasms here to try to dissuade any readers from making faking a habit.
Reason 1: to boost the self-esteem of their partner. If whatever your partner is doing just isn’t hitting any of your spots, do not, I repeat, do not pretend it is working for you. The majority of humans with at least a relatively respectable IQ level learn from experience, and that means that when your guy or girl does something and you react positively, they will be more inclined to do it again. And again, and again, and again. So, if you fake an orgasm because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, they are gonna do the same thing next time and wonder why it isn’t working..which may lead to you faking another orgasm. And another, and another. This will lead to a sex life that is about as satisfying as wilted lettuce. Plus, faking an orgasm is a form of lying, which makes you feel guilty. Sex is supposed to connect two people, and by faking an orgasm you will, at least on a subconscious level, feel alienated instead of closer. You should also consider that if they ever were to find out you’re just a big ol’ faker, you would pretty much shatter their trust in you, and their self-confidence. Not so sexy.
Reason 2: to put an end to a particularly unsatisfying sack-session. If whatever is going on just isn’t doing it for you, instead of faking it, switch it up and do something different. Close your eyes and imagine you’re gettin’ down with that hottie who sits in the cubicle across from you, try a new position, or refocus your attention. For men, an orgasm is mainly a physical experience, but for women it can be extremely mental as well. Sometimes it’s hard for women to shut-down their thoughts and just enjoy what they’re doing without running through a to-do list, stressing about work or wishing they had hit the gym more this week. If you have been trying your hardest and really, really can’t get there and your partner already has, just take a deep breath and stop. If they seem concerned that you haven’t had an orgasm, playfully tell them they can owe you one later. This will probably shut them up as you have dangled the idea of more sex in the near future, and you will feel better because you still have a little integrity left in you.
Reason 3: because they are self-conscious about their own orgasmic ability. If you’ve never had an orgasm, you’re not the only one. Ten to 15 percent of middle-aged women have never reached orgasm, according to Pathways to Pleasure by Robert W. Birch, Ph.D., Sexologist and Adult Sexuality Educator. If you have had one, but they have been few and far in between, that’s not atypical either. According to the Orgasmic Dysfunction section of the Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, thirty-three to 50 percent of women orgasm infrequently, and most of them are pretty freakin’ cranky about it (yeah alright the encyclopedia may not have used the term cranky..). Sometimes women fake orgasms because they just seem unable to get there, and while this is a bummer, it’s no reason to pretend. Talking to your partner about it instead of putting on a show will make it more likely that you will eventually actually have an orgasm, because unless they are extremely selfish they will most likely be trying harder to get you there. If they already think they’re on top of it (literally) then they aren’t going to put any more effort in than they already are. Also, consider that most people reach their first orgasm alone, so don’t be embarrassed to try it solo. Afterall, practice makes perfect!
Bottom line, don’t make a habit of faking your orgasms. Consider this; ignorance is bliss. A not so morally upstanding (but very lovable) guy-friend of mine once said “if a girl I’m with is faking it and I don’t know, I really wouldn’t give a shit. Her loss.” Maybe not so classy, but also very true. Even if your partner never finds out, you won’t be satisfied with your own sex-life. In the end you really are only screwing yourself.