Screw You, Cosmo… (Please Yourself, Not Your Man)

I’m really sick of the fact that every time I pick up a Cosmo or browse through one in the grocery store, all I ever see are articles with titles like “How to Please Your Man” and “100 top sex tricks to blow his mind,”  etc. This is supposed to be a magazine for women, and yet it is full of things to do to men…sure, maybe some of it is helpful, but wouldn’t it be more helpful to suggest ways you can please each other? Equality here people. Also, I am pretty sure they just have a pool of sex tips that they recycle every couple of years, so nothing is ever new. In light of that, here is a list of a couple ideas how you can please your woman, how you can please your man, how you can please each other, or how you can please yourself…

1. Before you fall asleep, set your alarm extra early and tell your boy/girlfriend when it goes off he needs to think of a sexy new way to wake you..

2. Play a game called No Penetration. The only rules are that you can do whatever you want to each other, but well..no penetration. It gets pretty frustrating which is part of the fun, and it may make you reminiscent of your highschool days…

3. This tip actually comes from a funny thing my friend’s boyfriend said to her while he was wasted. It’s hanging on our wall of infamous quotes in our kitchen.  “Okay, lets role play: I’ll be a disabled person, and you have to pleasure me.” Disabled jokes aside, it’s pretty funny…

4. Sometimes foreplay can get routine. Ask your guy (or guys, do this to your girl) not to do any of his usual fall back tricks to turn you on before the big showdown…make him get creative with it.

5. Have oral sex Sundays.

6. Switch roles in bed. If your partner is usually the aggressor, tell them for once that you want to be in control. If you’re always the dominant, ask your partner to step it up a notch. Changing your sexual stance can be very exciting, as it may seem like you’re sleeping with a whole new person…not like you’d want to do that or anything.

7. Wait til your honey goes to work/the gym/out with friends and have fun with yourself. It’s nice not to have to focus on anyone else.

8. Designate days where one of you gets all the attention, and doesn’t have to do a thing to reciprocate. The next day, you can switch.

9. Tell your boy or girl they’re not allowed to leave the bed until you give them permission. This works best on days no one has to get up for work….

10. Make demands. You’re worth it, aren’t you?

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About SexyTofu

Good food. Good sex. Good fun.
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