My friend Keenan sent me a funny link to a list of ten sex myths, and it inspired me to talk about a few more not mentioned.
1. Long sex is equivalent to good sex. Just because you can keep it up for a two-hour marathon doesn’t mean you should. It is very possible to have too much of a good thing, and sex that drags on for longer than it should falls under that category. As a guy, you might be thinking the longer the better (to stoke your ego and please your honey) but in truth, the average male reaches orgasm in 5-7 minutes, and the average female 10-15. After 20 minutes or so your girlfriend may still be putting on a nice performance for you, but she is probably really thinking about last nights episode of The Hills or wondering what she should have for breakfast. Go for quality, not quantity , and by that I mean wow her in the first fifteen minutes (if you can make it that long) and then call it quits. That way, you will leave her wanting more, and she will still be able to walk tomorrow.
2. Leave the lights on. When you’re getting down, you want to feel comfortable and confident in your skin. If it takes dimming the lights to get there, so be it. Add to this the fact that a bright overhead light shining in your eyes will leave you squinting, and not so sexy. There are some of us who do like to strut around naked in the bedroom, the living room, the supermarket (what?) with no clothes on and feel pretty good about it. However, no matter how good you think you look naked, you probably look even better with the lights dimmed or with a little candle action.
3. Food in bed is a good idea. I love eating…in the kitchen. Food in bed is sticky, slimy and an all around mess if taken in between the sheets. Leave the honey in its pot on the counter and the whipped cream in the fridge, please.
4. If you have regular sex, you don’t need to masturbate. I have a couple of girlfriends who have gotten pissed at their boyfriends for giving themselves a little one on one time. Masturbating, even when you are in a relationship, is healthy for a variety of reasons. First of which is the fact that you can be selfish, and you don’t have to think about pleasing the other person while also pleasing yourself (which you DO do, right??!?!) Also, some alone time is good and healthy for a relationship, and this can be regarded with a weekly girls or guys night out, or a romp in the sheets with yourself. And most of all, masturbating (and all sexual activity in general) increases your sex drive. It’s like sugar (or crack) the more you get it, the more you want it. So really, you’re only making your sex life better. Tell that to your girlfriend the next time she finds your stash of porn and gets her panties in a twist.
5. All guys give good oral, right? Wrong. This one I want to take a moment to disagree with number 6 in the mademen list, which was that giving good cunnilingus is easy. The guy who wrote that must have been bitter because he sucks at oral sex and is trying to cover for it. Or maybe he is just incredibly gifted and therefor arrogant..or maybe he is just really short and has a complex… Whatever that dudes problem is, it needs to be said that it is very, very possible to be gifted in that department, just as it is even more possible to be terrible at it. I’ve got a few female friends who are completely indifferent to oral sex and I am convinced it’s because the guys they have been with are incompetent or worse, lazy. Just like anything else, practice makes perfect. Communication will only improve the situation, so be sure to ask your girlfriend, wife, whatever, exactly what she likes. Ladies, tell your boyfriends what is working and what is not, don’t let him suffocate under the sheets without a clue. An easy way to do that is to get him down there and then be extremely er, vocal, when he is hitting a good spot.