I’m not going to get into blowjob techniques here, because this isn’t Cosmo, and also I think my dad reads this column. But for anyone who wants to be better in bed—which should be all of us—here are several concepts to consider.
- Adapt an eagerness to learn. No matter how much experience you have, or how long you’ve been with your partner, there is always something to learn about their body, about your body, about what they like, what you like… When we cease to learn, we cease to grow. I don’t know who originally said that but it sounded pretty wise so it must have been Aristotle. Or Beyonce.
- Have patience. Impatience does not equate to a good sexual experience. Or a good experience in general life. Slow down, take your time, check out of your brain and into the moment.
- Find a balance of adventure and respect. You want to be willing to try new things, but also know and stand by your boundaries. If I learned anything in college, it was that an uncomfortable sexual experience is rarely a good one. If the mere sound of anal beads makes you queasy or you know that position will surely sprain a hamstring, then respect yourself and politely decline. In turn, this also means respecting your partner’s boundaries!
- Communicate. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Express what you like and give direction. If doing that verbally makes you uneasy, well there are a myriad of non-verbal ways to do it. Some well-time squirming and a crescendo of noise should do the trick…
- Find your confidence. Sexual confidence doesn’t have to mean strutting around in skimpy underwear. It means knowing what you want, and not being afraid to express that. If you want to please your partner, you will. As long as you make connecting, pleasing and being pleased your goals, it will be hard to go wrong. This type of confidence comes through, no strip tease needed.
The sexual connection you have with one person will be different than the connection you have with someone else. Therefore, it’s difficult to define someone as good in bed, or bad in bed. However, if you focus on these concepts (eagerness to learn, patience, adventure, respect, communication, confidence) then you’re headed in the right direction. Go forth and orgasm!